Doubt
by not-a-mastermind
Summary: Reid is asked to help elavuate a new intern at the BAU, what he gets is a reminder of himself and a shot at helping them become something.


**Authors note: This is for the OC challenge so I hope you all like this little piece I have come up with. My OC is Rena Williams a BAU college intern. For my main character interaction I chose Reid. This is not beted so all mistakes are mine. I don't own Criminal minds or its characters and no money is being made from this. Hope you all enjoy.**

_It took me a long time not to judge myself through someone else's eyes. ~Sally Field_

_It's not who you are that holds you back, it's who you think you're not. ~Author Unknown_

"Reid could I speak to you a moment?" Hotch called down into the bull pen as Reid, Morgan, Garcia and Prentiss walked in from their lunch break. Reid just nodded and headed up towards Hotch as his team mates shared a look and went back to their desk to pretend to do work until Reid came back. When Reid reach Hotch at the top of the landing he was lead back to Hotch's office when the door was closed behind him. "Please sit" Hotch went back around to his seat as Reid sat down in one of the chairs in front of the desk. "Don't worry you aren't in any trouble, I just need to ask you a favor" Hotch said and Reid relaxed a bit in the chair.

"What is it you need me for?" Reid was a bit puzzled. He was great on the team and if it was work related Hotch would have just asked him with the team present. If it was personal Reid didn't know what it could be that Hotch wanted, especially from him.

"Strauss asked for help with the new intern, she suggested we get to know her. She is currently working with Anderson's team. She passed all the evaluations but there is concern about her. She seems to be having some trouble fitting in and she is very talented like you. I was hoping you would go and speak with her before anything gets out of hand and get an opinion of her before she passes through our team." As Hotch spoke he took a file out from his desk drawer and passed it over to Reid. "This is your choice but I thought I would offer it before Strauss decided it wasn't an option. Her name is Rena Williams and she is currently running research on Anderson's floor."

Reid scanned through the file quickly, noting the psych evaluation and school records as well as a few letters of recommendation. There were also a few notes in her file from various agents in the building, including a few from Morgan. He had to admit he was interested and after he had experienced a little doubt within himself not too long ago he wanted to help.

Hotch seemed to know what Reid wanted before he could voice it and nodded at him. "You can take the rest of the day as we have no cases or tomorrow, JJ says unless there is an emergency that she will still be going through her back log."

"Thanks I think I'll go over a few things and talk to her tomorrow, is there something in particular I should be looking for?" Reid closed the file but held on to it and Hotch didn't seem to mind.

"No, besides seeing if she is up to standards like her files implies and if there is anything to be concerned about."

This seemed to be the end of the conversation so Reid got up and left Hotch's office closing the door behind him. He was tempted to go over to Garcia's lair and ask her to do some information digging on Rena Williams, after all the basic background checks for interns wasn't the best. But he decided against it for now, heading back to his desk. When he settled into his own seat Morgan and Prentiss looked over to him.

"Don't worry Hotch just wanted my help looking over something" Reid assured his friends and team mates. They went back to work and Reid took the time to look over Rena's file more closely. Rena was attending the local college majoring in psychology and minoring in criminal justice. She had passed the background check and psych eval for an internship and chosen the BAU as her field. For the spring semester she was granted a position making rounds with the various BAU teams. Her grades had been impressive and her letters of recommendation promised a bright hard working student. But her study topics varied greatly, from the psychology to law, medicine, mechanics and even child care. While waiting for her internship she had taken self defense here at the F.B.I. which was where Morgan's notes came in. "Hey Morgan" Reid called to his friend distracting him from his paper work.

"Yeah Reid?" Morgan answered giving his attention over to his friend. He was curious as to what Hotch had wanted from Reid and knew that his team mate would tell him eventually, he just had to wait.

"Can I talk to you at break, I'm curious about one of your classes."

"Sure, whenever you are ready I am sure I can squeeze you in" Morgan smiled at him teasing knowing they could take time from going over all the paper work to talk. Morgan then went back to his work leaving Reid to his file which was soon put away as he went back to his own work. Break came sooner than expected and Morgan watched as Reid stretched before grabbing the file.

"Come on lets go out" Morgan suggested so that they could talk in private. Normally the team shared things but he had a feeling Reid wanted to ask something personal or something that others didn't need to hear. Reid just got up and followed him as they left the main pen and Morgan led him to the stairs. They could take their time and talk without being interrupted as they made their way outside.

"Do you remember a girl named Rena Williams who took your evening self defense class last semester?" Reid asked once they had entered the stairwell and started down.

Morgan had to think on it for a second before nodding as he pictured the slight young woman in his mind. She was a student from a college there for lessons to complete her physical requirements for a criminal justice degree.

"I am looking over her file and you made some notes in here I would like to know more about" Reid opened the file. He offered it to Morgan as he had already memorized the contents. "Your first entry is that you think she might washout, but you change half way through saying she was a good student and while she didn't pass with honors she made a good example and passed as fit and ready to enter the field."

"Yeah, when I first saw her I was reminded of you, she's real slight. Kinda short but she had determination and she studied like nothing else I have seen. She would listen to the instructions, watch the demonstrations then try it and get creamed. But she would get back up and do it again, she kept at it and watched and practiced, the next day she would be good and by the time we moved on she had it down and could do variations of the moves. She began to predict the other student's moves as even though she wasn't the strongest or the quickest she out smarted and out maneuvered them." They had reached the outside now and it was sunny enough for them to move away from the building to a bench on the grounds and sit.

"Were there any problems? Anything odd with her?" Reid took the file back from Morgan and let it sit closed on his lap. He had been thinking over what Morgan had said about her learning style and it reminded him of his training in prepping for the field. He had never become good like Rena sounded but he had learned and could do in a situation.

"She seemed kind of wrapped up in it, making some things personal. I thought it might become more real to her if we kept on going but it never got to that. As a teacher we try not to profile our students too much beyond how they might react and how well they learn but there is probably something in her past that she's fighting against or running from with this training."

Reid thought about it before nodding and thinking of the bullies he had conjured as he went through his own training, not that he would actually hurt them but it had helped, "thanks Morgan." They continued to sit for a while before going back up at the end of break. While Morgan went back to his files Reid went to their in house psychologist to get a better assessment of Rena's evaluation. After that he went up to Anderson's floor and asked around the agents there before settling in to observe the woman in question. She had been on another floor going over some files and out getting information when he had arrived so he had an agent point her out when she arrived.

When he saw her for the first time he realized Morgan had been right, she was slight. Standing about five foot six maybe she didn't look to weight much over a hundred pounds. Her dark red hair was cut short and kept out of her eyes with bobby pins. A pair of glasses were halfway down here nose making her green eyes slightly bigger. She dressed in nice casual slacks and blouse shirt with tennis shoes that nurses would ware. She had minimal makeup and no jewelry besides two stud ear rings in each ear and a small cuff on the upper right ear. She distributed files quickly and efficiently. As he watched she seemed to study the room before making a move to do some task, and reassessing every time one task was done and it was time to do another. She had noticed Reid but since he was just sitting and the other agents in the bull pen paid him no mind she did so as well. She did look him over however every few tasks as if assessing him bit by bit. After he had been watching her for a while he noticed that before she looked for a new task her eyes would move upwards a bit and to the left. Whatever she was thinking or recalling in her mind it was constant. Finally Reid left and went back to his own desk and his own work making metal notes of Rena's behavior and attitude. So far he hadn't seen anything that would indicate a problem except for maybe her mind wandering a bit. She was organized and smart from what he had observed, she was polite and quite moving in a confident manner. He made notes of things to look for and ask her then next day between reviewing his files. The day ended and for a rare change the team was headed home early.

When he was home Reid decided to do some more checking into Rena Williams as he waited for the pizza he ordered to arrive. He didn't have a data base like the one at the office to use but most of the American population had some kind of account, page, blog or electronic foot print on the internet these days. So he typed her name into the google search box and looked at the results. She had a blog and a facebook account but since Reid had not joined facebook he was denied there and the blog asked he wanted to join the site in order to read it. He declined and moved on down the list of results. Apparently there were many Rena Williams out there or many pages with the name attached. An interesting page came up about a news article for a charity marathon in which she had come in with a big donation and a top twenty spot. Her picture was included with other participants in front of a hospital where the marathon ended. The hospital was a few towns away and Reid knew it specialized in trauma, recovery and rehabilitation. It was something to think about and he shut down the computer when his dinner arrived. He spent the rest of the night catching up on some programs he had recorded for the discovery channel.

The next morning he checked in with Hotch before going up to Anderson's floor and having a quick talk with him about watching and talking with Rena. He then set himself up aside from the other agents like he had the day before. Rena was aware of him right away when she came in and after giving him a quick assessment started her day. Much like yesterday she kept busy, with her mind half gone most of the time but still attentive to her surroundings and efficient in her work. It was lunch time when Reid made his move, following Rena to the break room where she got a brown paper bag from the refrigerator. She set it on the counter and was still for a moment before speaking to him for the first time.

"What is it you need Doctor Reid?" She turned her head to look at him after addressing him.

Reid was not surprised that she knew who he was, after all she had seen him the day before and had had all morning to ask about him as he sat in the bull pen.

"I would like to talk to you, Anderson has already approved of a long lunch break so we have lots of time." Reid waited for her reaction but it was what he had predicted, she thought for a moment, again seeming to recall something before grabbing her lunch bag and facing him. He lead her out to the elevator and down to the main floor before going out to the bench he and Morgan had sat on the day before.

Rena didn't open her lunch bag after they had settled and seemed to be waiting for Reid to start. Sitting out in the sun, with her lunch by her and slightly relaxed Rena looked slightly younger than a twenty six year old F.B.I. intern.

"I went over your file and I was hoping to ask you some questions. You don't really have to answer but I hope you do" Reid started.

Rena looked at him as if trying to see beyond his words and judge his intentions. After a moment she shrugged, "I passed all the requirements to be here and waited just like all the other interns. If you read my file then you must want to know something personal" Rena looked him in the eye and didn't back down.

"Yes, I want to know a little about what isn't in your file" Reid confirmed. "Eventually we find out all about interns if they stay and it's necessary if they apply for a permanent spot."

"And you think I will stay, become one of the agents working here?" Rena asked but her mind again appeared to be traveling.

To Reid this was becoming a bit at odds with what he was used to. It was like she was here and not here at the same time and it was strange to be with. "Yes" he answered her in a confident tone and Rena smiled at him in an almost smirk.

"Then you have more confidence than I do, so go ahead and ask what you want" Rena picked up her bag and pulled out a juice box, opening it and taking a sip.

"You're obviously very smart but your choices of study are very broad, so why intern here, and why the BAU?"

"Yes I am smart, noting like you, and yes I know about you, I picked the subjects because I like to learn and the BAU provides a base for a large question I have. I want to know why Doctor Reid" Rena was lost again as she spoke to him as if seeing something else.

"Why what?" Reid was confused as to what the BAU could offer her to a why question.

"People, what makes them tick, why do they do what they do, especially the bad ones" Rena looked sad for a second and then it was gone.

Reid knew something had happened to Rena then, a part of the past that changed her, that she couldn't let go of. It had shaped her to learn about her major and minor, the other choices where just extra stepping stones to ease her main goal. "For someone so invested in the subject of why and the determination to get this far it seems odd that you would give it up and not stay."

"I'm not sure I want to, I am not sure what to do anymore" Rena gave her full attention to Reid for a moment. Then she was taking another drink and half gone again.

"Then why come this far at all? You spent so much time learning, moving towards this and to push your limits to lose it all. You are still young enough to do what you want and you could do something else but why throw away the accomplishments?" He remembered his own conversations with Prentiss not long ago. The feeling that maybe he had done it all for nothing or that it wasn't enough. He could have done more, and true he was still youngish, but he had spent so much time doing what he thought he wanted it was confusing to second guess it.

"Because it is all I think about, all I know, if you hadn't noticed which you would be blind if you said no, and I promised." Rena absently fingered the cuff on her ear, eyes showing she was in a brief memory of the past.

It was then Reid noticed tiny writing on the cuff but it was too small for him to make it out without getting much closer or asking. "You do appear to be thinking about something all the time" Reid addressed that part first.

"You have a genius IQ and an eidetic memory, I have hyperthymesia or superior autobiographical memory." Rena looked at him, both thinking and assessing just waiting.

Reid processed the information his own mind pulling up the term and statistics and facts. He knew what it was and that it was rare and that while it could be helpful it was also a bit of a burden. Ones whole life constantly being played out in fresh detail at all times of the day, like your life flashing before your eyes over and over again.

"When I was young my sister and I were orphaned, it left me with only her and my memories at first. But the consequences are like ripples and they sometimes bounce back at you. While I strove to make sure that justice was done and watched it unfold and the proper punishment fall on those responsible I missed that my sister didn't come out whole from it. She got sick and she knew that what I was could break me watching her. So she made me promise to help other like us, to continue to learn and stop others from being hurt. I would give her the sun and the moon to make it better so I could see that as I grow old. But she will never get better and by the time I do fill my promise she will most likely be gone. I have learned many things but I didn't learn what could make here better."

Rena told her story her voice beginning to sound far away and Reid knew she was watching every bit of it in her mind's eye in large screen 3D HD imax experience. Reid could relate, one of his fears now was that he had not used his talents and his genius to help other is a longer lasting capacity. Something that could benefit thousands not just a few, and the failure to help the ones closest to him. He knew the pain of the loved ones lost and that one ones to come. The helplessness that no matter what you did you could not cave them. And while Reid might remember it for the rest of his life, could think on it from time to time he could at least bury it or hold it at bay. Rena would be forced to replay it often as if were happening at that very moment unbidden for the rest of her life. Whatever she did with her life would remain as fresh as the day it happened and the stronger the experience the stronger the recall. It was a great motivator but it would be a curse if she remained.

"Why promise at all? Why not promise to do something else, to be a doctor or a lawyer, why this?" Reid asked, much as Prentiss had round about put on him once.

"Because I need to, because there are people out there who could benefit, and…I want to. I know it won't be easy, it already isn't. But I want to help, to know that I make a difference. I could make a difference in another way and I do sometimes with my other studies. But here I get to see the effect immediately and what I see, those people I help will always be with me. I don't expect you to understand it all, but I know you understand that in the end what happens the things we do matter more than we sometime understand" Rena looked back to Reid as she finished.

Reid did understand and the puzzle of many of her studies and notes fit into place. She was here, now and what would come wouldn't change that. She might be in doubt now but it would pass and it would not break her. She didn't have a code in front of her to put everything in perspective like it had for him but he had no doubt that it would be there for her.

"Like ripples on the water" Reid mumbled after a second. His doubts had come back on him once only to clash with another's and be sent out again. Rena's would too and he could make sure of that. "There will be a case for us soon and I would like you to join us. Inters can be assigned exemptions and I can help with that. I will most likely be hard but it is worth it and you can fulfill that promise in time to keep that memory. Doubt may come but you don't have to prove to others or it that you can be better. Just do what you can, use what you know and you will never be able to say you didn't do it because you didn't try. Everything you can put forward helps, you don't have to live with only the bad memories, fill in the lines with the good and you will never go wrong." Reid knew that he would call in favors and go to Strauss himself to get that exemption for Rena. She had potential and just like he wanted her to have those good moments to fall on he would be making his own by helping with hers.

Rena smiled and nodded after a moment "I think I would like to take that chance."

Reid smiled back at her and stood to go back inside, Rena stood as well. He knew this was another thing he had done right, and he would thank Hotch for giving him her file. She may have a ways to come but she would go far. They headed back up to the BAU floors and after Reid left her he headed for Hotch's office and the future.

**Authors note (part 2): Thanks everyone for reading I hope you enjoyed this small flash of BAU life and the spelling wasn't so bad and most of the story made sense. Please don't forget to leave a review as they help me to become better.**


End file.
